ClownsteadyReport
English：Clownsteady · Locations
A compact United Cities town on the Hook, fed by Slave Farm South and the slave markets. It is the only major town in the Empire with no noble in residence - and the cheapest place in the game to train toughness and lockpicking.
Clownsteady is a United Cities town in the Hook, the southwestern region of the map. Its footprint is small and its blocks are packed tight, but it is a genuine Major Town — and the only one in the entire United Cities with no noble living in it. For a player its value concentrates into two things: a profitable alcohol trade route, and a police station you can farm for toughness and lockpicking.
You can walk to it, or reveal it by acquiring and reading the Map of the United Cities (Extended Territories).
Position and role
Clownsteady sits in the Hook, close to the Swamp. That proximity matters: it shapes the town's commercial character and defines who its neighbours are.
The other United Cities town in the Hook is Drifter's Last, and the difference between the two in actual play is large enough to be worth its own note below.
An economy fed by slaves
Clownsteady's economy runs on supplies from Slave Farm South and the slave markets.
That is no different from the rest of the Empire, but it reads more starkly here: this town has no noble, no palace, no visible display of Imperial power on the streets — and it still eats entirely off slavery. A player working their way along that chain freeing slaves will feel the supply line snap here directly.
The alcohol route
Despite sitting right next to the Swamp, Clownsteady's merchants will still pay a hefty premium for sake — and the town's bar sells the rum that Swampers want. Buy and sell line up neatly, which makes this a fair stop on an alcohol trade route.
Members of the Shinobi Thieves can also move less-legal goods here. The markup is smaller than in the Great Desert cities, but it is on the way.
A major town without a noble
Clownsteady is the only Major Town in the United Cities without a resident noble.
That makes it a clean contrast within the setting: every other large Imperial city hangs its political weight on some member of the Noble Circle, and this one has no such pillar. It also means the usual player intervention — kill the local noble — does not exist here. Its town overrides hang on other conditions.
The police station: a gym that heals you afterwards
Clownsteady's police station is one of the best places in the game to grind toughness and lockpicking, because the local procedure works in the player's favour:
- You use their training dummies.
- The police beat you unconscious quickly — toughness gained.
- They carry your unconscious character to a cage, then heal them.
- You wake up in a cage, and start picking the lock.
Compare that with the two alternatives:
| Place | What happens after they catch you |
|---|---|
| Clownsteady | Beaten, caged, healed |
| Hounds territory | Beaten, dumped outside for the blood spiders |
| Drifter's Last | Enslaved and shipped to Slave Farm South |
Town overrides
Clownsteady can be affected by several World States:
| Override | What it looks like |
|---|---|
| Malnourished | The starving-town state after the slave-farm supply line breaks |
| Empire Peasants | The town falls into the hands of the Empire Peasants |
Trivia
- Clownsteady already existed in the alpha version of the game, one of the few cities to survive from the old builds into release.
- Several buildings here can be bought, ranging from an Old Storm House at 16,000 Cats to a Watchtower at 56,000 Cats. For a town with no noble and easy access to the Swamp, that makes it a very practical southwestern base.
See also
Buildings and shops
Bar, General Shop, Mechanical Shop, Police Station x2, Power Station x2, Ranger Shop, Thieves Guild, Weapon Shop, Longhouse (19,200 Cats), Old Storm House (16,000 Cats), Y-House (28,000 Cats), Watchtower (56,000 Cats), 1x Empire Weapon Shop (1), 1x General Shop (1)
Sells
Vendors here stock 83 items in total, grouped by category — every entry links.
Items
Armour Plating, Authentic Skeleton Repair Kit, Basic First Aid Kit, Book, Cactus Rum, Cactus, Chainmail Sheets, Copper Alloy Plates, Copper, Electrical Components, Fabrics, Fuel, Gears, Generator Core, Greenfruit, Grog, Hacksaw, Hemp, Iron Plates, Leather, Luxury Goods, Medical Supplies, Riceweed, Robotics Components, Sake, Simple Rug, Skeleton Repair Kit, Spring Steel, Steel Bars, Strawflour, Water Jug, Water, Wheatstraw
Weapons
Guardless Katana, Holed Sabre, Horse Chopper, Katana, Longsword, Mercenary Club, Naginata, Ninja Blade, Nodachi, Plank, Ringed Sabre, Staff, Wakizashi
Crossbows
Bolts Heavies, Bolts Longs, Bolts Regulars, Bolts Toothpicks, Eagle's Cross, Oldworld Bow MkII, Oldworld Bow MkI, Ranger, Spring Bat, Tooth Pick
Nutrition
Bread, Cooked Vegetables, Dried Fish, Dried Meat, Foodcube, Meatwrap, Ration Pack
Shirts
Black Cloth Shirt, Blackened Chain Hive Shirt, Blackened Chain Shirt, Blackened Chainmail, Dark Leather Shirt, Rusty Chain Shirt, Rusty Chainmail
Light Armour
Drifter's Boots, Drifters Leather Pants, Fog Mask, Ninja Mask, Ninja Rags, Swamp Ninja Mask
Medium Armour
Armoured Hood, Armoured Rags, Black Plate Jacket, Mercenary Leather Armour
Backpacks
Small Thieves Backpack, Thieves Backpack
Clothing
Vendors and stock here
Compiled automatically from the wiki's vendor data: shops that can appear in this settlement and what they may carry. Actual stock varies with world state and randomisation.
Empire Bar
Bread, Cactus Rum, Dried Meat, Foodcube, Grog, Meatwrap, Sake, Water, Water Jug
Empire Mechanical Shop
Armour Plating, Authentic Skeleton Repair Kit, Book, Chainmail Sheets, Copper, Copper Alloy Plates, Electrical Components, Fabrics, Fuel, Gears, Generator Core, Hacksaw, Iron Plates, Leather, Skeleton Repair Kit, Spring Steel, Steel Bars
Empire Ranger Shop
Bolts Heavies, Bolts Longs, Bolts Regulars, Bolts Toothpicks, Eagle's Cross, Oldworld Bow MkI, Oldworld Bow MkII, Ranger, Spring Bat, Tooth Pick
Armour Plating, Authentic Skeleton Repair Kit, Basic First Aid Kit, Book, Cactus, Chainmail Sheets, Copper, Copper Alloy Plates, Electrical Components, Fabrics, Fuel, Gears, Grog, Hacksaw, Hemp, Iron Plates, Leather, Luxury Goods, … (27 items in all at this shop)
Independent Bar
Bread, Cooked Vegetables, Dried Fish, Dried Meat, Foodcube, Greenfruit, Grog, Meatwrap, Ration Pack, Water, Water Jug
Ronin Mechanical Shop
Armour Plating, Authentic Skeleton Repair Kit, Book, Chainmail Sheets, Copper, Copper Alloy Plates, Electrical Components, Fabrics, Fuel, Gears, Generator Core, Hacksaw, Iron Plates, Leather, Skeleton Repair Kit, Spring Steel, Steel Bars
Small Empire Weapon Shop
Holed Sabre, Horse Chopper, Katana, Longsword, Mercenary Club, Naginata, Ninja Blade, Plank, Ringed Sabre, Staff, Wakizashi
Armoured Hood, Armoured Rags (black), Black Cloth Shirt, Black Plate Jacket, Black Rag Shirt, Blackened Chain Hive Shirt, Blackened Chain Shirt, Blackened Chainmail, Dark Leather Shirt, Drifter's Boots, Drifters Leather Pants, Fog Mask, Guardless Katana, Katana, Mercenary Leather Armour, Ninja Blade, Ninja Mask, Ninja Rags, … (25 items in all at this shop)